Why Give A Crap What I Say? It's JUST me.

Why should you give a crap about me? I have no idea... BUT....I want to thank you for joining me on my journey of a super shitty - averagely happy - drama filled - absolutely hilariously funny life.
I clearly feel the need to spill my guts about what is happening in my life to people I don't know. The funniest most off color TRUE stories you've ever heard - and when you least expect it, you'll cry like a baby.

The photo you are seeing is "my" yard in the summer. A home is not a place it is the inhabitants that make it a home.

With love, Alyce

February 18, 2011

Surgery is over

The doctor just came out to tell me that surgery was successful. They removed the kidney and the giant fucking tumor that just about ruined our lives. The doc said the puss in the tumor likely caused the spike in his white cell blood count. The tumor and some lymph nodes are being sent to pathology. BUT the doc said that he will most likely need NO ADDITIONAL therapies. Hear that cancer? We got you in one big bundle of shit. Threw you in the trash to never be seen again.

You did not take my husband. You did not leave my three beautiful children fatherless. You have been beaten.

I now sit in the visitors lounge waiting for my husband to be released to a room. He is recovering now. Not aware that he will be able to see our little baby graduate college and further. Witness our son become even more than we can imagine he will be. Watch our oldest beautiful daughter blossom into a wonderful woman whose future is a vast as the eye can see.

I sit here feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. My husband will be by my side to witness all that life will hand us. What I know is that together we can handle it.

Things are happening too quickly...

In am not going to recap the events of yesterday. Or, an hour ago for that matter. it takes all of my strength to remember to brush my teeth.

Both the bone scan and the MRI show the cancer has not spread to other organs or his bones.

We met with the doctor who is performing the surgery. Invoke this morning at 3:45 quickly dressed, woke our beautiful sleeping baby so I can breastfeed. Got into my car to find a dead battery. Oh my,what a shock.

Fast forward......

They just took my husband, father of our children to surgery. As a non practicing Jew I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. But what I want to say is p, "Please God, watch over my husband. Help him get through this surgery with no pain. Let him wake to a feeling of peace that this road we are currently traveling on isn a short detour and we will be back on the road of health and happiness quickly.

The waiting begins...

What next...

The diagnosis is kidney cancer? I was told by the doctor in charge of his blood. I fell to my knees, then fell tonthe floor in a ball. I begged the talking. Telling her I CAN'T HEAR YOU. YOU ARE NOT MAKING ANY SEMSE TO ME!! Kidney cancer. What the fuck is kidney cancer? And why the fuck does my husband have it? Don't the powers at be realize we have a new baby and two other children that need their father? Doesn't anybody care about them?

At that very moment my dear husband walked in from a test he was taking. I quickly gained my composure...

February 17, 2011

Hospitals suck!

I left my husband last night to go home and rest. Thought he would as well. I got a call at 7:30 informing me that he had not yet been brought dinner. I ordered it be brought at 6:30. While we were on the phone a nurse knocks..."I found your dinner sittin out here by your door.". The ticket reads...made at 5:45pm. Deliver at 6:30pm. But don't give it to the really sick guy until it's cold at 7:30.

It's not enough to be sick?????

This morning. I wake up at 2:30. Well, I'm woken up at 2:30 by our delicious baby. I sit in the dark given our baby food that I can provide. Wondering to myself if her daddy will see her go to preschool. I am wishing I had more faith because I wanted to pray I just didn't know how to.

Baby falls to sleep I go back to bed. An hour later my older girl comes in saying she had a nightmare. I felonies to climb in and lay with me. I stroke her hair thankful she is not aware of the real life nightmare I feel is impending.

Up for good at 5:30 and start getting ready to go to the hospital. Give my mother and inlays instructions on what to do today. (in failed to mention that at a moments notice my mother flew in from FL. (I could not get through this, whatever this is without her.). My in-laws also arrived yesterday. Takes three grandparents to do my job. I must be pretty important.

Stop at Starbucks get a hot and cold drink. Stop at Walgreens get my husband a very specific type of cough drop. As well as Milanos, Oreos, gum, magazines. Oh, and a giant bear holding a heart that says I LOVE YOU. Half price on the bear as it's after Valentines Day, and clearly people only love others half as much after that.



February 16, 2011

At the hospital for the first time.

...not feeling like doing a recap. So let's go forward. The general practitioner has no idea what's going on with my husband. My very frightened husband. We, the doctor and I, decided the best place for him is in the hospital. When you're an outpatient you get the privlidge of convincing the insurance company to allow you run tests that just might save the father of your children. When you're in hospital they gotta do it!

We entered through the ER. I actually said we are "checking in" as if we were in Vegas or some other fun vacation spot. But then we met with the triage nurse. Pretty blonde woman who as the questions were asked an answered presented a more and more perplexed look on her face.

Done with that battery of questions and into the emergency room area. Ohbyeah, one question was interesting...What religion are you? Is that a last rights question eected to bring comfort?

It's very slow here. It seems like we're the only emergency and we walked in here.

Chest x-ray done. CT scan done. Blood drawn. He has a slight fever. Seems to be resting comfortably.

He has take a very brave position. Whatever it is I will get medicine and that'll be that. He is much more brave than I am.

February 15, 2011

The First Day of The Rest of My Life

The new normal.  My husband has been sick since November.  Well, not really since November, but mostly.  Had a really bad cough and went to the doctor - got the typical antibiotic and was "cured."

Then came gum surgery in December.  Complain, complain, ow, ow.  The usual man stuff.   Cough essentially gone.

Fast forward.  A little, not a lot to January.  Cough is back.  Back with a vengeance.  Fast forward again.  Add to the cough.  Vomitting while coughing.  I hate when I vomit and I hate it more watching someone else vomit.  Add diarrhea.  Ow, my stomach is bothering me.  Add some my balls hurt.  Do you think it's from shoveling?  Then throw in a little my back hurts, should I take something....

...and walah we are back at the doctor.

Hey doc, think I should have a blood-test?  I guess, if you want one, they answered.  Blood drawn - then results came back.

Here's some penecillen we'll retest your blood in a few days.  Why, who knows?  Fast forward just a smidge to yesterday.  Blood drawn.  Wait til tomorrow for your results.

We're at today.  Like today today.  The results are back and your white cell blood count is higher today than it was.  You need to get a CT scan on your chest and abdomen.  What are you checking for?  Well, there's an infection of some sort so we need to find out what it is.  O.K. my husband told the doctor.  Text me with this info, then left his office taking a half a day.

Just gotten to my weekly appointment with my therapist (as if where you are doesn't matter) when my husband called.  "Did you get my text?" he wanted to know.  I hadn't just yet.

Skipping ahead....I am on hold waiting for the results of the ultrasound.  The ultrasound I haven't mentioned yet, but if it's still relevant after I hang up I'll discuss it.  My heart is pounding, and I feel like I can't breath.

My husband is downstairs with our three children.  They are so innocent.  They aren't aware that our lives might be in a spiral as we speak.  Or should I say, as I type.   My song is singing to our youngest daughter.  My oldest daughter just came to me and kissed me for no reason.  If it were any other day, at any other time I would feel so lucky.

.....still on hold.

My first Blog

My first blog consisted of the following:

Trying to find the perfect fonts, background, colors, etc.  I wanted it to start with a cathartic exercise - but it wasn't quite that romantic.