So we're born. Not that we asked to be born.
Hopefully you're born into a family that's got good values, morals, are compassionate and fun. They're full of pride and love to love and be loved.
You go along your life. You then marry. O.K. I skipped a few decades.
You divorce. (It was 6 weeks, but it seemed a lot longer.)
You marry again - this time with a different pro/con checklist.
You have kids, twins of course.
Two dogs are bought to help cure the "I want more kids illness."
Walah, you're pregnant and 44. Kids 9 years apart. Perfect for us.
A beautiful baby girl named, Lorelei was 35 weeks and 5 days old or 7 months 6 days when her daddy was diagnosed with Stage IV Renal Cell Carcinoma.
Diagnosis is poor.
Family meeting is called. That's actually a meeting, where everyone in the family meets in the family room and we talk about something "serious".
"You're dad is sick. He has cancer." A lot of crying.
9 months later, well maybe I'll be more exact....8 months and 30 days ago...I'll life was good - not great - like people pretend their lives are but good.
An "end" date or the day you die was discussed in very general terms.
YES your cancer is extremely rare, yes it's inoperable and we have no therapy for you....the good news is I have patients that have lived for 6 years.
O.K. I'm not great at math - but it puts me at 51 - our 9. y.o. twins at 15 - our 7 months old baby at 6 years and 1 month. It's puts my husband 53.
How can we get a number. Most people walk around assuming there is no end insight. I mean I know I'm gonna die, but not in real life, and certainly NOT when I'm aware.
Then your told that you have less than a decade.
Whoops. Hold on.
Things aren't working so well, we are changing our guess. We are going to recalculate at 1 year minimum - 3 year likely - 5 year "eh"
I'm not doing the math and but that makes my youngest baby at 5 years and 1 month. Too young for your daddy to die. But perhaps that won't happen.
Secret conversation, at six months A.D....that's After Dianosis...I ask...how long really. "It's not good." I say not a thing.
So how close to your death do you want to know? Do you want to be told you've got 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, 6 months, 2 months, 2 weeks. I'm certainly not sure if it were me I'd want to know.
Would you sit in the corner of your unpainted room and curl up and bang your head against the wall? OR would you look death in face and say "I'm gonna stand up and walk to death. Smelling the smells, soaking up the sun, kissing my family."
Who really knows how they will feel when the time has come for them to no longer exist. (I'm not religious, or I would probably say in the flesh.) Because guess what, the time is going to come. I think no matter how old or young you're kinda like, "Fuck, now."
Have you ever really lived enough to be ready to die.
Is there a chart?
Score 1-10 (haven't lived enough at all)
Score 11-30 (kinda lived but ahh...screwed around too much and didn't live up to everyone's expectations
Score 31-50 (yup you can die now...great job, a couple great kids, house, yada yada)
Score 50& up (oy, I'm tired already enough is enough)
So somehow we got screwed and ended up with a score of 42. So, behind our curtain is an early death leaving a young widow and three very sad children.
Well this sucks ass.
P.S. This was not edited. I'm sure you can tell with the following words their, thought, and a few other words I consistently screw up. Sorry