I found out yesterday that I had thrown an impromptu picnic. In all honesty I had no idea what this person was talking about.
Sure we were outside. Outside long enough that I brought out a few drinks, (my favorite honey mustard pretzel) pieces with string mozzarella cheese, and my friend and I sat on my front porch for hours just talking.
It's interesting to think how I feel so thankful for people wanting to spend time with me. Really, they could be doing anything but sitting with me for hours and hours just talking. I must have talked a lot because I was actually called a narcissist at one point in the conversation.
- As a side not that was the second time THAT day I was called a narcissist.
- On the other side I was called generous by four people the day prior.
I think that makes me a hubris philanthropist.
People's time has become very important to me. How much of "their" time is spent with me because they choose to spend it with me has become kinda really important to me. Imagine all of the things people can be doing other than spending time with YOU and they chose you. That's kind of a big deal because people's time is finite.
Oh god, this is so over the top deep. I absolutely need to get my funny back...or at least throw my deep OUT!
O.k. Back to being grateful for time. There is nothing that I loathe more than spending time with people I don't really want to be with. Why do we do that? Why do we spend our finite time with people we're either ambivalent about or just don't like? Crazy, I think is why we do it.
If everyone knew they only had a year - a month - a week - or a day until they died who would they choose to spend that time with? Of course, most people don't think in this way. Holy shit, what if I find out tomorrow that I only have a year to live...I gotta figure out who I want to spend time with.
In August of 2011 I knew my late husband would be dead on or around his birthday the following January. That's five months. I chose to tell nobody about this news I received from the doctor. I didn't think it was fair that I tell a father he has about five more months of watching his kids smile. I thought it would be too much for him to handle and what if they were wrong, and what if he just gave up....So, I said nothing.
In saying nothing I also didn't give him the opportunity to spend his time as he would have wanted had he known he had very limited visits left. It wasn't actually until December that he started to have those "scheduled memory picnics" with those he had been close with throughout his lifetime. He chose on his own that December was his time to say good-bye.
The confusing part is maybe he should've spent more time with these people before December. After all by December he knew his time was quickly coming to an end and he did choose to picnic with these people. I imagine that these people were very honored to have been asked to picnic by Eric as his death was drawing more and more near.
So, this is my point. I think...
I am grateful to those that are choosing to spend time with me while they're living and not wait until they are dying.
Thank you so much for either coming over or inviting me over to be with you. Thank you for sitting and listening and taking with me for hours and hours when you could've been anywhere else.
I'm not gonna wait til I'm dying.