Living a Life of Insanity...

The process of going through my home to make the keep, throw, sell piles in order to move started yesterday.

I had to physically go through boxes and distribute them to their correct place.  This is absolutely NOT something I am used to doing.  When Eric was alive I'd kinda stroll around whatever room he was working on.  Looking busy was my specialty.  It's not that I didn't want to help because I did.  I just didn't want to have to actually do anything to help.  Although I was the one that offered up to my husband - the turkey sandwich on white with one slice of swiss and ZERO condiments....oh and a glass of coke light ice.

Holy shit, there is so much to do to get my family moved I actually think I just might be going insane.  Day two of the home organization to move I:

• Lost a product I need, ordered, it arrived yesterday and I have lost it today.  I have spent more time looking for this tiny product today than I did looking for a wedding band I had lost.

• A safe of ours with all of our important paper, that NEVER EVER NEVER EVER locks, has someone locked.  

• Today, I was made aware that the "new" school needs more information regarding my son - I cannot even explain the "the district isn't available until after the summer" to me thinking "wait, I think I have a copy" to "where the fuck would I put that copy?"

• I realized I lost the same credit card that I have lost twice in the last six weeks.  Thanks to my banker they're overnighting it.  I shouldn't miss but one day to hemorrhage money.

• I did manage to bathe my 2 year old with absolutely no issue.  Whew

• Taking to my bed is what I've decided to do.  Here I am in bed alone, eating honey mustard pretzel pieces and string cheese.  My bedtime snack of choice.  If I'm really feeling crazy I wrap the cheese around the pretzel.  I usually skip it as it takes far too long to wrap.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again when it doesn't work.  Personally, I think the definition is doing crazy, stupid, forgetful shit all day long.  Whether it's all the same or all totally unrelated.

Meditation would be the answer to my problems.  The chance to get out of your own head and think of nothing.  Meditation is not something you can buy cliff notes for and become a master meditation guru. It takes practice and practice to find that place of, ommmmmmm, zen.  Now that I think about it that's probably why prescription meds are so popular...who has time to practice zen when you can take a pill and immediately'ish zen.

So, here I am laying or lying not sure which is correct eating the last of my snack and thinking thinking thinking of all of the 100 thousand gazillion things I need to do.  Hold on a second - this is why people have assistance otherwise known as "wives."  I wonder where I can get one of these.  Of course she'd have to be strong like a man...I guess a man would be better for this situation but I just cannot imagine listening to someone be right when I'm the Captain of this ship!  I need a first mate or something like that.  

My late husband...oh a funny story first...I said "late" husband to someone in front of my son.  He said, "Why do you keep saying Dad is late?  He's not late he's just not coming."  From the mouths of babes.

Anyway, my husband would have made 45 lists of priorities.  Not that much would get done but we'd be listed up.  We'd have a plan, but would have so many lists it would be hard for me to understand and execute on any of the plans.  With that said, there was NEVER a time that Eric had an important task to do that he didn't come in on time and over budget.

The note cards are coming out tomorrow.  I'll use a marker instead of a pen.  I'll write a big number 1 on the most important thing that needs to get done, then a 2 then a 3...Then I'll realize I had forgotten something and redo the list.  I think what I'm trying to say just might be that tomorrow is a mental health day as opposed to continuing to complicate an already complicated situation with insanity.