Why Give A Crap What I Say? It's JUST me.

Why should you give a crap about me? I have no idea... BUT....I want to thank you for joining me on my journey of a super shitty - averagely happy - drama filled - absolutely hilariously funny life.
I clearly feel the need to spill my guts about what is happening in my life to people I don't know. The funniest most off color TRUE stories you've ever heard - and when you least expect it, you'll cry like a baby.

The photo you are seeing is "my" yard in the summer. A home is not a place it is the inhabitants that make it a home.

With love, Alyce

August 28, 2012

...acting like the captain of the ship


...but I'm just
I'm the cook!!

So this is the deal.  This video isn't fun, funny or fabulous but it is amazingly loooooong.  I haven't written a blog in a while because I've been so busy trying to figure "it" out.  

In case you don't know I've picked up my family (3 kids and my mother) and moved us to another state.  I did this BEFORE the one year mark I was supposed to wait after the death of my husband.  It was 6 days shy of his being dead for 7 months.  



"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks." - 
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks." 

"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks." - 
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  


"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks." - 
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks." 

"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks." - 
"I'm fine, really." - "This absolutely sucks."  

Reminds me of Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

I know my therapist would tell me that my feelings are justified, relevant, and genuine.  I'll stick with my famously childish saying of "it's just dumb."  Not brilliant, by fitting.

Sure, I'll get 1000 emails telling me to "stop feeling sorry" for myself.  Really, I'm not.  It always goes back to my children.  They've been so short changed.  I'm a good mother, I know that I am.  Am I good enough to be a mother AND a father?  

My mother says whether you're faking it or not if you're doing it, well, you're doing it.  It feels like lying kind of.  I'm familiar with this feeling as I spent my teens to early twenties perfecting the art of lying.  Lying takes WORK.  You've got to constantly remember what it was you said to be consistent.  That's what living a life that's unexpected feels like.  I have to constantly think about what it is I should be doing.  Being the captain of a ship means you train (or whatever it is you do to drive a ship).  I've got no training and the Captain of my ship has died unexpectedly.  That leaves ME to drive this barge.

Ugh, what a long driveling note this is.  Perhaps after the skies stop opening up around me and the sun comes out this will pass - Boy, I hope so.


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Thanks for taking the time to chat with me. Love - Alyce