...what is it all about?

Some would say this is my mantra.

I'm not a person that "asks" for things or favors.  Friends of mine do wonderfully generous things for me.  They offer.  "Do you need a ride?"  "Can I bring you coffee?"  Etc...

Let me say that I know this happens.  I'm not a blithering idiot that doesn't see people at their most generous.  I always ask, "Why the hell would anybody do anything for me?"  Yet, I have still not found the answer to that question.  

I am really very thankful, I am just have trouble wrapping my head around it.

Recently (like within the last 6 months) I've been called an ingrate, elitist, non-understanding bitch.  This came from people who gave me the most generous gift, their time.  I never asked, they just did it.

People tell me often that I believe "It's All About Alyce."  Alyce, that's me.  How can people say it's all about Alyce when Alyce...

• doesn't ask for anything?   
• has never broken someone's heart. 
• shares with friends and family more than I can sometimes.
• listens with a concerned ear.
• takes shit when she knows she should be throwin' it.

I know...

...duh

I've been in therapy for more then 3, that's right three decades.  I've talked, debated, cried, laughed and realized that it's a never ending process.  That's the beauty of being a mental patient doctor - you never graduate from going.  Seeing a therapist is a lifelong commitment.  The only reason to break up with this doctor is because you're moving - NOT because you've figured it out.

My husbands death solidified (as if I didn't know), it's not about me alone.  It's about my children and me, or my friends and me, or my family and me, or the man who walks by my side and me.  

I gotta say the common thread in all these relationships is I'm there.  So, perhaps it is all about me.  

• My choice to dis-continue relationships that are, well, not great...
• My choice to live out of my comfort zone          ;-)
• My choice to cultivate relationships
• My choice to return favors the best way I know how




Kinda

My choice to continue with relationship that are, well, great...

It's all about me - my loves - my heart

Recently I asked for something - I didn't get it <I didn't think I would> but I still asked.  It did take upwards of 3 hours for me for me say it.   But I said it.  

I'm not sure what I thought would happen if I asked.  I know what I thought - I thought I'd be rejected.  I hate that.  Rejected (or so I thought) is what happened.  But, I didn't die - I didn't throw up - I might have eaten more at dinner than usual - but other than that I was fine.  

I originally said I was an idiot for asking someone to do something for me, as it didn't work like I hoped it might.  

What the hell, it didn't really hurt to ask.