.......Life Is Curious: ...I wanna quit!!!

I've quit most things I've started. My philosophy was, first is first, second is last. True isn't it? Look at last nights Presidential Election. One guy one the chair and the other guy wound up with an empty chair. (If you've watched any of the election you'll laugh at the irony of the empty chair). If you can't be the best why even try? My whole life has been a struggle in accepting my mediocrity.

Had a heart to heart chat with my personal trainer. "Jill, I'm cutting down from 3 days a weeks to 2 days a week." She said nothing. "I'm not eating well all the time, and the only time I do anything is when I come here." Again, nothing. "I've decided I'm going to take the day I'm not here and sit in my bed, watch the news and eat onion dip with potato chips." "Go ahead," she told me. "I know you'll feel a hell of a lot better when your ass is bigger than it is today." GRRRRRRR "Fine," I told her. "I'll come three days, but I'm not going to work hard!"

How else can I check out of life for a while?

That's the real issue. I'm just done dealing with issues. I'm just done. It's hard, too hard.

There are peaks and valleys and valleys and valleys. A valley then becomes a hole and then that hole becomes a bigger hole, but now it's made of mud. I just keep trying to crawl up the sides only to “almost” get to the top and then, WALAH, you slide down to the bottom again. Ugh

Isn’t that life though? You try something you fail and you try again. The fun of life experiencing new things - not whether you win or lose but how you play the game. That’s the life lesson I’m teaching my 10 year old twins. How the hell can I teach a lesson about “mastering the art of the fail” when it’s something I avoid at almost all costs. If I got no skin in the game I can’t get burned, right?

Tony was an entrepreneur kinda.

If I tell my kids one more time about how many times Babe Ruth struck out or how many times Albert Einstein failed I'll scream. C'mon you guys, it's o.k. if you don't get it right, just do your best. I say this to my children with not an once of judgemental'ness. I mean it. Get a 76 on a test...if you tried and that's your best let's do dinner, I tell then. What a hypocrite I am. If I don't know with 110% certainty that something's a go, I don't move.

Here's the issue. Do I get into the game or stay on the sidelines????????????????????

I wrote a children’s book. Took me 6 months to write it. I think it’s quite good, and so does the external disc drive that it’s housed on. Perhaps I should send it to some publisher’s. Perhaps they’ll hate it. (In all likelihood, they’ll hate it.) It’ll get rejected, (I’ll be rejected.) This just stinks. I don’t have a “real” contact in the business. “Hey_____________, it’s Alyce. Yeah hi, how are you? Great, great. I wrote a children’s book and I know you’re in the business....... What???? You’re looking for a children’s book to publish written by ME??? This is so great. Oh, and you want me to sign a contract to write 7 more books, AND you’ll advance me the money.............”

Let's not get crazy...I'm not calling anyone today. But I am going to try to figure out why I shouldn't.

I get that I sound like a moron...but if life were only this easy....I’d wanna play more of it.