Dear Eric,

  

 To My Darling Husband on His Birthday

For my husbands 48th birthday I wanted to write him a poem of my feelings for him.  Long story short - I didn't do it.  So, if you're into cliff notes of a blog stop here.  


I'm gonna try to do it now. BTW I am not a poet.  That's a little caveat.  What can I write in a poem to my husband that I haven't already said in prior talks - cards - letters?   The only thing to add to the story is the end.  Most of us at 47 don't know that 48 will be the last birthday you will celebrate with the ones you love.  I dare you to try to find a card from a wife to a husband that doesn't have the phrase, "and I so look forward to our future."

Here goes not a poem not a letter but maybe a poeletter?

On your birthday card  I wrote 1/17/64.  I have never made an error on birthday card dating before.   Perhaps I was celebrating your birth as opposed to your current birthday which is today.    Without that day we wouldn't be here today.

I want to say it's all been unicorns and fairies, but it hasn't been.  It's been your fairly average 10 year marriage -  both three year and seven year itches included.  Our share of "what do you mean by that" and "how do you know I meant that"?  

When we first met and you played hard to get, (yes he did), it was so confusing to me.  "I enjoyed our date", you'd say in a note left under my door."  Then you wouldn't call for a week.  Then you'd call and I wouldn't believe it, cause I thought you had forgotten.  Dinner, you'd say....I'd try to pretend to think about it, but the answer was always, "Sure, I'd like that."  Another note, a baseball game came ... another note, another dinner...and so it went for 5 months.  Then.....

.....five months later it was a yes when I was presented with the ring (we chose together) - 3 months after we were married - one year later we had twins - 9 years later we had a baby girl.

We Made It!!

Wasn't sure it would happen but it did.  We got our second chance.  The chance to do whatever it would take to be together as a family, in one home together.  We talked about our retirement in the country where there was barely electricity and we sat on a swing on the front porch together.  Of course, we'd have amazing food brought in somehow, but essentially we'd be just together.  We never really needed much more than each other - when we were indeed together. 

When we met - he a super Republican; me a giving Democrat.  He a conservative Illinoisan me a liberal New Yawkah.  He a thinker of all decisions for a statistically long time;  me - let's just do this.  He a wonderful father; me a wonderful mother.  He practiced the save and wait for something you want theory; I practiced the want, and buy theory.  Together we'd buy only things we really wanted together.  He doesn't care about sports; I could not care less about sports.   He wanted to take care of his family for always and forever; me I decided he was the man I wanted to take care of us.

It's being taken away.

So there are no fairly tale endings.  I get that.  I wasn't necessarily asking for that.  I was just asking that my kids have two parents that love them with all of their hearts and two parents that were willing to do whatever it took.  We didn't know then that there was going to be something to tear apart the promise of always taking care of us.

I will make sure the 3rd chance continues.

• Our children and I will celebrate your next birthday; and the all your birthday's after.
• We will continue to hang your ornaments on the tree (for that matter we'll continue to have a tree).  
• At 6pm each night we'll ask how each of our days were - as we sit down for dinner.  Then one of us would spontaneously tell a story about you that made them laugh.  
• I'll do my best to find a retired engineer to do all of my handiwork and make sure the house was running more efficiently than other home we know of.  
• I will think before deciding.  Not quite as long as you think about something - but longer than I would have had we not met.  
• I'll measure twice'ish and cut once.
• Honesty and integrity are more important than anything in the world.  
• We will remind ourselves that at the end you didn't have a bucket list.  Your life was mostly complete.  I can't honestly say my bucket runeth over with things I haven't yet done.
• Sometimes sweeping things under the rug isn't that bad.  Perhaps not everything needs to be talked about.
• There are so many things I've learned from you.  I believe there was no-one else that could convince me to vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin - but YOU did.  
• Working hard and being proud of what you do should be part of your life.

Birthday Gift

I promise your legacy will live on in our 3 beautiful children.  Each time they succeed I will thank you for helping me make that possible.  I will remind our children that without you, their lives wouldn't be so glorious.    I will allow my children to say, "Yes my dad died physically, but he's in everything I do, so I guess that doesn't really make him dead, huh.  This is the promise I make to you.  

With love,

Alyce