...one of the most impossible things to do...

Seize the Day "In Real Life"

So many have experienced their hardest days and have sworn that....

'FROM NOW ON I WILL SEIZE THE DAY.!!

Many a book has been written on living in the now...as a matter of fact I have a tattoo in a secret place that says just that - GUESS WHAT???  Try as I may I don't always live in the now.

So much of living in the now relates to how our ego responds to outside circumstances.  

I'm fairly sure I could not be more deep than right this second.  Ha

Two days ago I was told by three different people that I was "generous."  Looking around at who they were talking about....I was told they were talking about me.  I was shocked.  One of those, c'mon now moments.  "Are you fucking kidding me?", was of course my reaction.  After many, "Are you kidding" and "Me?" and "Can you give me an example of something I might have done?"  Finally, I was told to say thank you and I did.

Today, I had another conversation where I was asked to explain myself about a statement I had made.  Let me say that I knew and understood exactly what I was saying as I was saying it....However, when called out on it, I asked if it was possible that I might not explain what I mean.  

OF ALL THE PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET SOMEHOW 
I HAVE BECOME UNABLE OR UNWILLING 
TO EXPRESS A STATEMENT.

I swore after Eric's death I wouldn't let opportunities skip by me because there might not be another opportunity.

No more I wish I woulda been more honest and said what I really meant.

It wasn't gonna be me who would continue to tolerate the round-a-bout way of speaking that I'd been learning for the last 14 years.  

Nope, not me, I'm gonna do what I WANT and say what I WANT.

...except of course when GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY 

Most people ain't gonna put their ass out their if they might get spanked (metaphorically'ish).  Long story LONG I was pushed enough that I actually said out loud what I was thinking in my head.  

How have I not learned my lesson of "time if precious" or "you just never know"???????  UGH..What a pathetic way of NOT learning a lesson and not allowing a tragedy to be the impetus for change.  

What will he, she, they, or those think, say, do about something I might, want, or already have done??

Most people would say, "You Alyce?  C'mon you'll say anything."  Essentially that's true....Unless of course it involves my real deep ego.  

Once again, I am reminded that I need to be able to give myself permission to not give a shit what I might think of a decision that I make.  

I'll try to do better...

Boy, is my mother going to need to edit this.

With love,

Alyce