|Eric and I planted these 3 years ago|
Not as I sit on our front porch just like we used to. We'd have coffee together and talk politics, kids, work, (his not mine), anything really. We'd talk for hours, as we'd wake up early to have time together to talk. We'd talk about how nice the gardens are coming in this year.
Eric would have been so excited that the peony's we planted from nothing are now in full bloom. It's the most incredible sight to see. Almost like when you have a baby. You plant a seed and not sure if it'll take and then, walah, there's a beautiful flower after all. Our garden is so lush this year and Eric is not here to see it. Oh sure, everyone says he does see it....but in my world...he's not sitting here and talking to me about how he can't believe how well everything is blooming.
He was so strong, and so healthy, and now he's just dead. I can't believe he won't share in all that is coming up in our lives. The kids finish school on Wednesday - we are going to Palm Beach Saturday - then NYC the following week - then overnight camp for them right after that. He would help them pack for camp. Loading them up with things I wouldn't have and still won't think of. Survival stuff. For me survival stuff is my iPhone. "Hi, it's Alyce...I have a problem...can you come fix it?" Eric would always say, yes, and come help me.
Now I have to pack their stuff. What the hell am I going to miss? "Cause I know it's gonna be something."
I sit outside alone and lament the past and worry about the future just as I tell people who write to me NOT TO DO THAT, I do it myself. Two tattoo's later "Be Good To Yourself", and "Living In The Now".
My daughter just came out to sit with me...reminding me that I'm still alive and right now, right now, DOES NOT SUCK. The flowers are blooming and I am grateful that Eric and I planted them.